Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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