She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
