A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
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