I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
