there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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