I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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