You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
