Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
