They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We need to get me chipped asap
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