I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
