I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
