the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
