I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
