Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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