Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
