sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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