So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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