I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You're a waste of cheezeits
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
