i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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