Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
