Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
