How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
