Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
