he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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