you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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