The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
