I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
