I need to stop coming to work sober
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
