Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
