Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Randomize
