there's paper in my vomit.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
