Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
