I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
