and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
