He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
