paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
