Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
