did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
