I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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