whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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