mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
