dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
