Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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