I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
