Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
