I cockslap morals
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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