We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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