It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
