I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
