Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
