last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
