I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
