How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
