Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
