My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
