It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
